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Abuse

February 22, 2005

When does a person’s confidence drop?

I guess when it is suppressed. When that person’s pride and self respect are trodden on. When the people around them do not pay attention. When the people supposed to love them will say the words, but the actions speak otherwise. Bob Dylan asked, ‘How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?’ I ask how much abuse must a person take before they consider themselves an animal.

I have yet to see an Islamic country accept women as equals. The ‘glorious’ Kingdom of Saudi Arabia recently had elections. Eh? Elections in a kingdom? Doesn’t make sense. Well neither to me does it make sense to give women the vote. I mean let’s face a few facts. Women should not be driving (it is dangerous!!). So unfortunately as the voting booths are so far from most people’s homes, how will the good women of the country get to those voting booths. See, there is logic in everything.

So back to abuse. I have been abused and without a doubt I abuse others. God forbid physically, but I have caused hurt to individuals. I think we all have. From a simple comment like, ‘Ugh…what are you eating?’, to ‘What on earth are you wearing?’.
But when I realise I am doing it I feel bad…..but I can’t being myself to apologise because I’m not sure if I offended the other person. And then the situation is just awkward.

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7 Comments
  1. Well unless the person is obviously hurt apologising can be awkward. But behaving better next time onwards, keeping in mind what not to say, perhaps being extra nice to try to make up for what you might have said another time, will if not undo the damage but be good damage control.
    I like the point you brought up. It\‘s easy to hurt people sometimes, even when you don\‘t have a mean streak.

  2. Hi Shapir:

    Yeah abuse is ubiquitous and not all are done on purpose. I usually get the similar sort of warnings to check what I am saying to others from my wife and vice versa. Like when I am reprimanding her niece not to disturb my sleeping daughter, S. advises me to be polite as she is only a child and do not understand and her mother will not take it easily. We have got to sort of educate ourself from this sort of behaviours which I believe innate in our culture. I believe this is one of the road to becoming a man.

    Just look at what an American‘s view of Bangladesh culture:

    "Man beats woman, woman beats child, child beats younger child, and all beat animals. Constant violence against defenseless animals, dogs, cats, ducks, and birds all targets for meaningless acts of violence. No respect and no humanity."

    The view may be a bit harsh and rather stereotyping; but if we do not see this as problem, no way nobody can bring about a change in our society‘s behaviour.

  3. I agree, Rezwan, with your point about berating a child…I have often done it with some of my cousin\‘s kids. Although they accept that their elders will discipine them, we as adults have control over how we dish out the disciplie and ensuring that it is not abuse. I suppose that our culture is one where \‘children are to be seen and not heard\‘.

    We had a gathering at a relative\‘s house a few weeks ago and there we were discussing family life in Islam. The heartening thing I found was that children were being asked by their parents about what they as parents were doing wrong. I don\‘t see why people in our culture will not accept that we can learn from both our Elder\‘s experience and our Younger\‘s innocence.

  4. I don\\‘t think it\\‘s just our culture where children are seen and not heard. Its something which is apparent regardless of your background. Children simply aren\\‘t afforded the same level of rights as adults. Its good to discipline your children but theres an extremely thin line between discipline and abuse. If you think about some of the abuse cases, there was this one little boy who got beaten by a hose pipe really badly on a number of occasions, but the courts found that because he was a naughty boy it was something his step-father could do. If this boy was an adult, that sort of beating would be ABH. But the laws are changing….

    Also, I wouldn\\‘t call offending someone abuse. Abuse is a strong word. Its one thing to say something that may hurt someone\\‘s feelings once, and its another to keep cussing them everytime you seem them. That\\‘s bullying, which is wrong.

    Pringles, pringles, pringles…..

  5. Pringles? Ah, I get the Pringles reference now (I just saw your blog post). Damn pop culture references, (I love them) but that\\‘s how good they\\‘re getting with advertising/marketing these days. Did you know that the color red induces hunger or makes you want to eat? That\\‘s why the original Doritos and Pringles packets and McDonalds is on a red background. Warm colors make you want to eat in general (I do believe there were studies done on these), that\\‘s why fast food chains always have such bright colors, plus it does just catch the eye when you\\‘re trying to beat your competitoes in the cheapest empty calories competition.

  6. Hey Nashat…about the primary colour thing. I would agree 100%…look all the popular Fast Food places…McD, BK, Pizza Hut, Chiquito‘s (which isn‘t technically Fast Food, but it is pretty close!).

    I‘d never realised this to be an issue…but you‘re spot on!

    Whats even more interesting is that my daughter at 8 months is drawn to red things like a moth to a flame! Human psychology is so easy to manipulate.

  7. i love your blog, will keep looking you blog every day.

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